Beyond Stereotypes: Embracing Authenticity Within the Queer Community

The conglomerate of queer people in this country is the minority of minorities: regardless of race, creed, gender, socioeconomic standing, or beliefs, we are present. We are present in corporate offices, in government, in schools — we are everywhere. However, between us, there is tension. In America, those who are different are not only viewed as taboo, but as guilty — guilty of straying from the norm. The queer community has long been a part of this characterization of guilt and wrongdoing. Yet, now more than ever, it has become intersectional. Being gay nowadays is not exclusively requisite of just loving the same sex; it is something more.

Being “gay” has more connotations than ever. “That test was gay.” “Your outfit looks gay.” Being gay, or at least being assumed as gay, is now a persona. But not all gays are skinny jean-donning, rainbow flag-waving people, as the common stereotype suggests. Some gays are said to seem “gay,” while others seem “straight,” and this dichotomy is problematic. When we attempt to define being gay or straight beyond who someone loves, we create unnecessary barriers. In The Second Sex, Simone de Beauvoir posits that “man is defined as a human being and woman as a female — whenever she behaves as a human being she is said to imitate the male.” Now, more than ever, the same applies to gays. Gays, who present as colloquially straight — low voice, conservative fashion, etc. — are not collectively seen as equally gay as the rest of the community, but rather as imitating straight people. The definitions have become binary: you are this or that, with no leeway. It is assumed that a gay man who engages in “masculine” activities, typically associated with straight men, is in denial of what he should be doing. Denial of how he should fit into his community. Denial of who he is. But this is not the case. It is artificial.

We, as a community, do it to ourselves. As much acceptance as queer people have earned in the last 50 years, little of that acceptance has come from within. In his speech “The Other America,” Martin Luther King Jr. asserts that “even though it may be true that the law cannot change the heart, it can restrain the harvest.” We have restrained the harvest. We can marry, we can work, we can live without discrimination; at least, that is what the law says. Yet, we have not changed “the heart.” We want our peers in society to not judge us, to not hate us, and to see us as part of the norm. But to change the hearts of others, to extricate ourselves from hate, we must first free ourselves from the hate and stigmas we hold for each other.

Being gay has nothing to do with what one wears or does; it is who we love. Currently, we need to remember who we love: each other. A gay man who seems “straight” is guilty of nothing — nothing except being who he is. There is enough stigma, enough hate regarding the queer community as it is. We cannot let that burgeon due to our own standards and stereotypes, which are fictitious fallacies.