Satire: New Flashy Table at Val!

Students returning to Valentine Dining Hall last week were greeted by a relieving surprise: a luxurious granite table built by the exit. The following is a transcript of a conversation overheard at the highly coveted spot.

“This is just what I needed. I can never get a seat at Val anymore.”

“But what do you make of these four holes in the middle?”

“I don’t know. Looks like some new table design they’re trying.”

“You think it’s extra food for us? They keep throwing more stuff in there.”

“But doesn’t it look like leftovers? Why would they feed us leftovers?”

“You’re telling me that I’ve been eating leftovers this whole time?”

“Maybe.”

“Also, why is there such a big line behind us?”

“I think it’s to worship us.”

“You’re right. These seats are just too good — OW! Some Shrimp Al Pastor just landed on my head!”

“That’s not very devotional of them.”

“Hold on. Where did the old green compost bins go?”

“Wait a minute. Weren’t they right here?”