If I May: The Final Farewell

Dear reader, This will be my final column for The Amherst Student. Since sophomore year, I have written an article nearly every week and I could not be more thankful to the editors for giving me the opportunity to write for this paper. It has been a privilege to be published in this fantastic newspaper. Furthermore, my column has given me an opportunity to grow as a writer, an opportunity that I have of course squandered, instead choosing to write listicles whenever I can. In that vein, for my

If I May: The State of Political Comedy

Recently, I watched an episode of “Patriot Act,” the Netflix show hosted by comedian Hasan Minhaj. By many accounts, the show has succeeded in its goal. It was picked up for a second season, and the few episodes I have seen were certainly well done. Minhaj delves deeply into just one topic during each episode, which allows him to address the nuances present in a given issue. The structure of “Patriot Act” is similar to that of “Last Week Tonight,” John Oliver’s HBO show. Both comedians choose t

If I May: 5 More Things I Like and/or Don't Like

It was recently brought to my attention that I have not yet written a “listicle” this semester, a fact which I was horrified to learn. I will never turn my back on the listicle! Without further ado, I present to you: “5 More Things I like and/or Don’t Like.” 1. Beto O’Rourke on Counters Last week, Beto O’Rourke announced his candidacy for president, which has brought him back into the media spotlight. This new media coverage has revealed O’Rourke’s obsession with getting on top of

If I May: "Crashing" Should be Cancelled

“Crashing” — an HBO sitcom created by and starring comedian Pete Holmes — is, in my opinion, a horrible television show. It is boring, self-indulgent and altogether not funny — at least most of the time. I have also seen every single episode of the show. You might ask, “Why would you do that to yourself?” A great question indeed. Initially, it was because I love watching a good train wreck. The show was not good during its first season, so I thought I would stick it out to see how bad it got bef

If I May: Unfollow @fuckjerry — Part 2

When Chris Smith, director of Netflix’s “FYRE: The Greatest Party that Never Happened,” was asked about Hulu’s “Fyre Fraud” paying Billy McFarland ­— Fyre Fest creator — to appear in its documentary, he had this to say: “After spending time with so many people who had such a negative impact on their lives from their experience at Fyre, it felt particularly wrong to us for [McFarland] to be benefitting.” Although McFarland was reportedly paid less than $250,000 to appear in the film, the sum he r

If I May: Unfollow f***jerry – Part 1

If you follow the Instagram account @fuckjerry, you may have noticed something new in their bio section: “Updated content policy [below],” and then a link to a statement from the account’s creator, Elliot Tebele. In this statement, Tebele explains that from now on, in order for him to post something on the @fuckjerry account, he must be able to identify the original creator and obtain advanced consent from them. Additionally, on a few of their recent posts, they included this disclaimer: “You’

If I May: Hometown Heartbreak

If you asked me who my favorite athlete was a week ago, the answer would have been easy: Kristaps Porzingis. As a lifelong New York Knicks fan, I have not experienced a lot of success. In my lifetime, the Knicks have only made it to the NBA Finals once. In the lockout-shortened 1999, they became the first and only eighth seeded team to make it to championship, where they were promptly trounced by the San Antonio Spurs. I was three years old then and remember none of this. Since then, the Knicks

If I May: The Brilliance of Stephen Hillenberg in Five Moments

Last Monday, Stephen Hillenburg, the beloved creator of “SpongeBob SquarePants,” passed away at the age of 57. He had been battling amyotrophic lateral sclerosis for the past year. This tragic death hit me very hard. As a kid (and, now, as an adult), I was obsessed with “SpongeBob SquarePants.” I think it was the very first show that I found funny, so one could say that “SpongeBob SquarePants” had a hand in teaching me what comedy was. And what a great teacher I had. “SpongeBob SquarePants” empl

If I May: The Case for Pass/Fail

Throughout my academic career, I have always struggled with motivation. I often find that if I am not very interested in what I’m learning, I have a hard time becoming invested in the work. This was especially tough in high school when I was not able to choose my classes and was stuck taking courses (such as any math class) in which I was not interested. I was hoping things would improve in college. I was enamored by the open curriculum, thinking that I would be taking unique, intellectually-sti

If I May: Six Bands to Explore

Jake May ’19 Columnist A couple of weeks ago, I wrote briefly about what a joy it is to get into new music. So, for this week’s column, I decided to share some music that readers may be aware of. 1. Khruangbin Khruangbin (I am also unsure how to pronounce this name) is a largely-instrumental trio hailing from Houston, Texas. The three-piece is made up of Laura Lee on the bass guitar, Donald Ray “DJ” Johnson Jr. on the drums and Mark Speer on the guitar. The band blends eclect

If I May: When is Halloweekend?

Each week, I have the opportunity to comment on the issues of the week, draw attention to something flying under the radar or perhaps start an important discussion. This week, I am doing all three, bringing attention to an incredibly important issue that merits a discussion: Which upcoming weekend is the real halloweekend? This year, Halloween proper falls on a Wednesday, the worst day of the week for it to happen. Were it to be Monday or Tuesday, we would celebrate the weekend before, of cours

Four Things I Like and/or Don’t Like

Last year, editors decreed that I was writing “too many listicles” and that The Amherst Student is a “serious newspaper.” So, this year I am trying to space out my listicles so that it will not be obvious that I am writing too many. After a few weeks of slaving over “real articles,” I feel I’ve built up enough clout to drop one of my beloved “Things I Like and/or Don’t Like” columns. Because as we all know, it is much easier to write a little about a lot of things than a lot about one thing. So,

If I May: Trying to Understand Astrology

I have always made fun of astrology, and by extension, those who are invested in it. It seemed to me that it was completely arbitrary; each set of qualities could probably be applied to anyone, especially if they were directly told that those qualities are supposed to apply to them. Furthermore, I recently found out that everyone has at least three signs — maybe more, I don’t know at this point. And all of them have different qualities! So, of course amongst those three you’re going to find thin

If I May: Reflecting on Tiger Woods

On Sunday, Sept. 23, 2018, Tiger Woods won his first golf tournament since 2013. Later that evening, I cried real tears. Because of a Sunday commitment, I was not able to watch the end of the tournament live. In fact, I didn’t even know he had actually won until I got a text from my dad, the man who introduced me to golf and Woods, which simply read “Tiger!” Upon completing my commitment, I went back to my dorm room and searched for the highlights. I clicked the link, skipped to the very end and

If I May: Why Did Colin Jost and Michael Che Host the Emmys?

This past Monday night was the 70th Primetime Emmy Awards. Colin Jost and Michael Che, from SNL’s Weekend Update segment, hosted the awards show this year. Their performance has been almost universally criticized as lackluster, low-energy and mostly not funny. While I was unable to watch the entire broadcast, I did watch as much as I could find online afterwards. The monologue was indeed lackluster; while Jost and Che have developed a passable chemistry on Update, it was not present at all last

If I May: Schwemm's Sadness

This past Friday night, as my latest attempt to “go out” at Amherst wound down, I found myself in a familiar position: hungry, specifically for mozzarella sticks. I remembered that our beloved Schwemm’s had been renovated, and I was eager to check it out (and also to get mozz sticks). Upon arrival, I was pleased to see the changes to the furniture. Assuming some more tables will arrive for the inner room, the new aesthetic of the place is far improved from its previous form. I looked at the upda

If I May: Grappling with Senior Year

As of writing this article, I have not yet arrived to campus. In fact, I haven’t even made concrete plans to head up to Amherst. At first, I assumed this lack of planning was due to my chronic procrastination, but upon reflection I realized that it is likely due to some increased anticipation about this year of college. I will be a senior, along with the rest of the Class of 2019. To write those words — “I will be a senior” — and to think about how this is my last year of college is truly astoun

If I May: Why I Keep Returning to “The Social Network”

I am not a “film-buff,” as the cool kids say, but I do have a lot of opinions about movies. I do not see all the movies nominated for Best Picture at the Oscars, but I do still find a way to be angry about whichever movie wins (at least most of the time). I’m not the kind of guy who will try and impress someone by talking about the “brilliant cinematography” of a movie; I’m the kind of guy who wishes he could try and impress someone like that. Here’s what I would describe as “the epitome” of my

If I May: Why I Keep Returning to “The Social Network”

I am not a “film-buff,” as the cool kids say, but I do have a lot of opinions about movies. I do not see all the movies nominated for Best Picture at the Oscars, but I do still find a way to be angry about whichever movie wins (at least most of the time). I’m not the kind of guy who will try and impress someone by talking about the “brilliant cinematography” of a movie; I’m the kind of guy who wishes he could try and impress someone like that. Here’s what I would describe as “the epitome” of my

If I May: The Importance of Recognition

In May 2016, I saw Louis C.K. perform live for the second time in my life. But this article is not about Louis C.K. No, this article is about the comic who opened for him: Michelle Wolf. You may know Wolf if you are a die-hard fan of “The Daily Show,” where she works as a writer and often appears on screen as a contributor. You may also know her if you watch “Late Night with Seth Meyers”, as she has appeared on that show multiple times to perform stand-up and do character work. She is also a r

If I May: Amherst’s Architectural Missteps

Right here, in the very first sentence of this article, I will admit that it is probably too early for me to have an opinion on the new science center. It is not supposed to be done until next fall, and perhaps once it is completed (and all the heavy machinery and piles of dirt are gone), my opinion will be different. However, the new building is starting to take shape, so I’m prepared to go on record and say that I am thoroughly nervous about how it’s going to fit in to our campus. This pas

If I May: Kevin Spacey Must Pay

Late this past Sunday night, Buzzfeed reported that actor Anthony Rapp, best known for being a part of the original cast of “Rent”, had accused Kevin Spacey of sexually assaulting him when Rapp was only 14 years old (Spacey was in his mid-twenties at the time). Hours later, Spacey released a response on Twitter, in which he claimed to not remember the events and that he owed Rapp “the sincerest apology.” This alone would’ve been problematic enough, as “I don’t remember doing that” does not excus

If I May: The Peculiar State of Men’s Pro Tennis

The state of men’s tennis today is, in a word, bizarre. For most of the season, the No. 1 player in the world was Andy Murray. This year, Murray won just one tournament (the Dubai Open in February). In the four Grand Slam tournaments, he failed to make it to a single final and lost before the quarterfinals in all but the French Open. He didn’t even play in the U.S. Open, the year’s final Grand Slam. This made for an interesting dynamic, since the top player in the world was rarely considered a f

If I May: The Toxicity of the ‘College Process’

My sister is a junior in high school, which means that this spring, she has begun the “College Process.” She’s been visiting many schools around the country and beginning to think about which ones she wants to apply to next fall. This process should be one of excitement, and to a degree, it is. Seeing a variety of college campuses is very fun, and fantasizing about where one will have their mind molded for four years is exhilarating. However, these days it seems that the College Process is a far

If I May: Even More White Guys on TV

Recently, Comedy Central, the network that airs “The Daily Show with Trevor Noah,” announced two new late-night projects. One called “The President’s Show” stars Anthony Atamanuik, a white male actor and improviser. Atamanuik is an expert Donald Trump impersonator and the show will essentially take the form of a standard late night program, except the host is “Donald Trump.” The other is a yet-to-be-named project that will star Jordan Klepper, another white male who has made a name for himself a

If I May: The Greenways Have Failed

Last year, around this time, I remember my roommate excitedly telling me that he was able to select a suite in a Greenway dormitory. He was excited because, as a rising sophomore, he thought his chances of getting a suite in the brand new dorms would be difficult. Even with the “33/33/33” policy, in which a third of the new dorms would be reserved for each of the eligible class years, he assumed that the rising seniors and rising juniors would take the suites. However, he was lucky enough to be

If I May: The Complexity of Mascots

On Monday, Amherst College officially (and finally) announced its first-ever official mascot: the Mammoths. This change comes on the heels of the student body’s majority decision to reject the college’s long-time unofficial mascot, the Lord Jeff, because of Lord Jeffrey Amherst’s terrible and inhumane treatment of Native Americans. However, in terms of national attention, the controversy over the Lord Jeff is small potatoes compared to the argument over the Washington D.C. football team’s name.

If I May: It’s Okay to Use a Tray

Earlier this year, I wrote an article for The Amherst Student titled “Try Tray-less.” In it, I urged those who were against the tray-less movement to simply give it a try and see if it really affected their dining experience in Valentine. I was driven to write this article because I was initially skeptical of going tray-less, but once I stopped using one, I realized that it didn’t greatly affect my Val experience. In fact, since going tray-less, I’ve found that I am far less likely to end up wit

If I May: Improv Comedy as a Way of Life

Before I arrived at Amherst last fall, I had never thought much about improvised comedy. I knew the basics of what it was, and I vaguely knew that many well-known comedians had an improv background. I’d never seen it performed, nor had I really sought it out. However, after I auditioned for Mr. Gad’s House of Improv on a whim and was somehow accepted, improvised comedy has become a huge part of my life. At this point, I am obsessed with improv — and that description could even be putting it ligh

If I May: Transphobia at Amherst College

This is not the column I had planned on writing this week. I had a couple hundred words written about awards shows and their place in American culture, inspired by the wacky Oscars broadcast this past Sunday. Then, early yesterday morning, we all received an email alerting us to the fact that transphobic vandalism had been written on the mirror of a gender-inclusive bathroom in Frost Library. Receiving this email dismayed and horrified me, as I’m sure it did for many fellow students. So, when I

If I May: Late Night So White (and Male)

Yesterday, “Variety” reported that Jimmy Kimmel, host and executive producer of ABC’s late-night talk show “Jimmy Kimmel Live!,” was considering retiring from his position when his contract expires in 2019. He has hosted the show since its inception in 2003, which makes him the second-longest tenured late-night talk show host, trailing only Conan O’Brien. Kimmel’s show is one of the five “main” late-night talk shows currently airing. The rest are: “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (which

If I May: In Defense of Phish

Phish, a four-piece improvisational rock band hailing from Vermont, is my favorite band of all time. In my dorm room right now, there are no fewer than four Phish-related posters. I have nearly 5,000 Phish recordings in my iTunes library, and I’ve listened to nearly all of them. I’ve also seen the band in concert 37 times. One could say I am obsessed with the band. However, I am not alone in my obsession. Phish is one of the most popular touring acts in the United States. They routinely sell out

If I May: I Hate the New England Patriots

I am not an Atlanta Falcons fan. Before this year’s Super Bowl, I’d never cared about the outcome of a Falcons game before. However, when Atlanta jumped out to a 21-3 first half lead, I was ecstatic. The Falcons had brought me more sports-related happiness in just one half of football than my actual favorite team, the New York Jets, had brought me all season. This is because the Falcons were playing the New England Patriots. Now, I have a lot of strong opinions about sports. Pedro Martinez, at

If I May: Beware of Normalization in the Trump Era

Last week, Senator Elizabeth Warren of Massachusetts, one of the most respected and heralded voices of the Democratic party, voted for the confirmation of Dr. Ben Carson as Secretary of Housing and Urban Development. Predictably, this decision was met with a considerable amount of backlash from Senator Warren’s liberal constituents. Why would she vote for a candidate that is so clearly unequipped to run any government department, let alone the Department of Housing and Urban Development? In fact

SNL, Tom Hanks, David Pumpkins and the Power of the Absurd

The Oct. 22 episode of “Saturday Night Live,” hosted by Tom Hanks, was full of successful comedy. The cold open was a spoof of the final Presidential debate, anchored by strong impressions of Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton done by Alec Baldwin and Kate McKinnon respectively. There was a smart take on the state of television comedies in a pre-taped sketch spoofing how serious today’s Emmy-winning sitcoms are. And there was clever commentary during the “Black Jeopardy” sketch, wherein the black

A Poor Replacement for Social Spaces

Last year, upon my arrival to Amherst, I learned about a place called “The Socials.” Four upperclassmen dormitories Coolidge, Crossett, Stone and Pond were the centers of weekend social life for Amherst students. Sure, many Fridays and Saturdays would be occupied by formals taking place in common rooms, but after those parties teetered, one could always retreat to the Socials to find a party. Today, a year later, much has changed. The social quad has been obliterated — the buildings have been

The Beauty in Sports Fandom

On Sunday afternoon, playing in The Masters, one of golf’s four Major Tournaments, Jordan Spieth, the No. 2 ranked golfer in the world and my favorite athlete in the world, arrived at the 10th hole of Augusta National Golf Club with a five shot lead. Spieth, the defending champion at Augusta, had just birdied the final four holes of the front nine. He knew he was going to win the tournament. I knew he was going to win the tournament. Everyone knew. He did not win the tournament. Instead of w