Satire: College Unveils New Major “Strategic Illusionism” Beginning Fall 2025
Amherst has introduced its newest major, “Strategic Illusionism,” which starts next semester. The major is intended to better prepare students for the current job market.
Opinion
Satire: College To Create New Prize Honoring Conservative Journalism
The Student has been awarded Amherst’s newly created honor, the Hadley Arkes Prize, for its representation of conservative voices. Members of the prize’s selection committee emphasized the need for diversified political discourse.
Satire: Campus Police Log: March 26 to April 1
The craziest installment of the Campus Police Log, from March 26 to April 1, can be found here.
Satire: Hearts of the Heard: Sunburnt Situationships
Relationship in limbo post-spring break voyage to Florida? The Student is here with insightful advice to guide you through the trickiest of circumstances.
Satire: Day in the Life of the Amherst Mammoth Mascot
In the first edition of our new column, “Day in the Life of a Mammoth,” The Student spent the day with none other than the Amherst Mammoth Mascot herself.
Satire: College Finds Novel Way to Escape Endowment Tax
Endowment Tax? Never heard of her. Staff Writer Savita Jani ’28 reports on the college’s project to spend all the endowment on the most anticipated project in college history: Bring Back the Woolies.
Satire: Campus Dining Attacks Latest Victim
Valentine Dining Hall is not for the weak. The Student sat down with Fizz personality “Mikey” to get a better understanding of the daily trials and tribulations of Amherst students in search of their meals.