Satire: Toddler Admitted to the Class of 2029
The class of 2029 makes history as toddler Tyler Young ’29 is set to enroll in the college as a geology major with a concentration in shoveling wood chips and making mud pies.
Opinion
Satire: Star Trek: One Small Step for Mammoth, One Giant Leap for MammothKind
Starting in the spring semester of 2026, the Loeb Center will debut its newest trek. Eight eligible students will be propelled into the sky and tasked with learning amongst the stars in the new space-based program: Star Trek.
Satire: Editorial: The Amherst Student’s Bold Transition to AI-Written Articles
The Editorial Board announces new changes to the paper’s policy.
Satire: Cohan Hall: A Communist Utopia
Assistant Opinion Editor Olivia Tennant ’27 reflects on her delightful experiences living in Cohan Hall, a socialist paradise.
Satire: Valchemy: Freshly Squeezed Tomato Juice
In this week’s edition of Valchemy, Columnist Ivy Haight ’25 creates the latest unconventional drink to satisfy Amherst’s tomato juice enthusiasts with a hint of french fry nostalgia.
Satire: College Holds Historic Interdisciplinary Panel on Democracy
MaKenna P. Stewart 1402 Professor of Theater & Dance Joseph Bailey changed it up in the eighth iteration of “Challenges to Democracy: Means of Resistance in the Trump Era.”
Satire: A Black Feminist Critique of the Drake x Kendrick Beef
Forget rap beef, this deep dive into Drake and Kendrick Lamar’s history displays a tale of yearning between love and rivalry.