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Opinion

Satire: Professors in Phased Retirement Are to Participate in AI Pilot Program

Satire: Professors in Phased Retirement Are to Participate in AI Pilot Program

AAS plans to launch an AI pilot program called “Virtual Faculty Engine” for professors in phased retirement after a 35-20 faculty vote in favor. This will include online avatars of professors for students to interact with. Details will be announced in a school-wide email on Friday.

Satire: AAS Replaces Easter with a Non-Denominational “Bunny Day”

Satire: AAS Replaces Easter with a Non-Denominational “Bunny Day”

The replacement of Easter with a non-denominational “Bunny Day” marks the first time that a college student government has unilaterally ended a federal holiday. The winner of the 2026 “Bunny Day” egg hunt will be rewarded with a spa day sponsored by AAS.

Satire: Mammoth Moments in Miniature: April 1 to April 8

Mammoth Moments in Miniature provides quick updates on campus happenings. This week’s edition includes an alum talk by Beebee the Mammoth, a Pickle-Ball tournament, and a rural retreat to Williamstown.

Satire: Campus Police Log: March 29 to April 1

The latest installment of the Campus Police Log, from March 29 to April 1, can be found here.

Satire: Student Squared: Karl Miller

Satire: Student Squared: Karl Miller

In this edition of Student Squared, Editor-in-Chief Edwyn Choi ’27 chases Karl Miller as he runs through campus. A little lost, Miller shares his insights on everything from accounting to his family life.

Satire: Editorial: The Mutilation of a Front Yard and the Collapse of Democracy

Satire: Editorial: The Mutilation of a Front Yard and the Collapse of Democracy

The Editorial Board of The Amherst Student condemns the administration’s refusal to address the late-night police raid on Professor John Calvin Coolidge Jr.’s yard and its draconian sign ordinances, arguing that this deliberate silence exposes a chilling contempt for political expression.