Cartoon: Campus Wildlife I Have Met So Far
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Satire: College Announces New Student Center Opening Delayed
The new Student Center and Dining Commons, originally set to open in the summer of 2026, is now scheduled to open in the fall of 2027. College officials attributed the delay to structural issues and budget concerns, factors out of the college’s control.
Satire: Valentine Dining Hall to Become Exclusive Athlete Center
The administration terminated its efforts to bridge the student-athlete divide when it announced Friday that Valentine Dining Hall is set to become a center exclusively dedicated to the recreation of athletes. A non-athlete recreation center will also open in the future.
Satire: New Parking Lot to Replace the First-Year Quad
Following the closure of the East Lot for construction, the college announced plans to replace the green area in the First Year Quad with 200 new parking spaces. The spaces will be available to students from 2:15 a.m. to 4:45 a.m on Thursdays and Saturdays.
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