Editorial: The Mutilation of a Front Yard and the Collapse of Democracy
The Editorial Board of The Amherst Student condemns the administration’s refusal to address the late-night police raid on Professor John Calvin Coolidge Jr.’s yard and its draconian sign ordinances, arguing that this deliberate silence exposes a chilling contempt for political expression.
It was brought to The Amherst Student’s Editorial Board’s attention that, on Monday morning, John Phillip Stamos Professor of Geology and Sedimentology John Calvin Coolidge Jr.’s front yard was mutilated by law enforcement agents. At 2 a.m. that morning, police officers in full riot gear assembled on his front lawn. He awoke to floodlights and sirens, hearing the county sheriff declare that he must emerge from his home to remove “excess signage” from his yard.
The county sheriff informed the Honorable John Phillip Stamos Professor of Geology and Sedimentology John Calvin Coolidge Jr. that his signs were in violation of the Town of Amherst Sign Ordinance, according to section 18.1-908.04 and section 18.1-908.05. The ordinance went into effect in 2024 and bans individuals from installing more than two signs on their property in the Town of Amherst. Section 18.1-908.04 disallows signs that contain pennants and ribbons, have flashing displays, are attached to utility poles, trees, and fences, and, most importantly, contain statements, words, or pictures of an “obscene, indecent, or immoral character.”
Officers instructed His Majesty, the Honorable John Phillip Stamos Professor of Geology and Sedimentology John Calvin Coolidge Jr., in only his robe, to pluck each sign from his yard while the squadron looked on. His Majesty, the Benevolent, the Honorable John Phillip Stamos Professor of Geology and Sedimentology John Calvin Coolidge Jr.’s signs, which displayed messages such as “Yes to Rocks, No to Jocks,” “If you can’t lick it, don’t stick it,” and “I love the Rolling Stones,” were regarded as excessive by the Amherst police force. Democracy is gone. Freedom of expression is no more. Voices have been erased. Principles have been abandoned. Authority goes unchecked. Integrity has been sacrificed.
We reached out to President Michael Elliott for comment. He declined. The lack of support for His Majesty, the Benevolent, the Honorable, the Bleeding Heart of this Hallowed Institution, Esteemed John Phillip Stamos Professor of Geology and Sedimentology John Calvin Coolidge Jr.’s political expression is truly flabbergasting. How could administrators possibly stay silent on this issue? This silence is a dereliction of duty and a clear failure to stand with students, professors, and the Amherst community they claim to serve. As Tucker Carlson would say: What are we doing now? What’s going on?
Our concerns lie not only with the trauma that they inflicted on His Majesty, the Benevolent, the Honorable, the Bleeding Heart of this Hallowed Institution, the Emblem of Pioneer Valley, Esteemed John Phillip Stamos Professor of Geology and Sedimentology John Calvin Coolidge Jr.’s but also with their broader implications for political expression. As the Fourth Circuit notes in Id.: “If two voters living within the same household support opposing candidates, the two-sign limit significantly restricts their ability to express support through sign posting.” Amherstica, will we let the political diversity of individual households be restricted in such a grievous and obscene manner?
Moreover, section 18.1-908.05 mandates that only freestanding signs, with maximum total areas of 24 square feet, shall be permitted. Twenty four square feet. That is a one-foot-by-24-foot sign maximum. We repeat. Maximum. Are we really imposing our toxic beauty standards on signs? The editorial board argues that plus-signed individuals ought to be displayed in all sizes and quantities.
Not only is this promoting size-based discrimination, but Amherst’s restrictions also have dangerous implications for visually impaired individuals. Say a pupil of His Majesty, the Benevolent, the Honorable, the Bleeding Heart of this Hallowed Institution, the Emblem of Pioneer Valley, the Übermensch, John Phillip Stamos Professor of Geology and Sedimentology John Calvin Coolidge Jr. was to become riddled with cataracts — the hemorrhoids of the eyes — then what would happen? Do we just prevent them from swimming in the rushing river of discourse? This is blatant censorship. We would tell you it was as clear as day; however, given the restrictions placed upon us, we are stripped of the mechanisms to do so.
So this is the goal now? This is what we are aiming for? What are we doing now? What’s going on? Thanks, Amherst. And thanks for your silence, Mike.
It’s a special kind of cruelty for a government to censor its people, and for a college to treat its Admiral, His Majesty, the Benevolent, the Honorable, the Bleeding Heart of this Hallowed Institution, the Emblem of Pioneer Valley, the Übermensch, John Phillip Stamos Professor of Geology and Sedimentology John Calvin Coolidge Jr. with only apathy.
Section 18.1-908.04? Try 1984. That’s right. This level of censorship is unprecedented and extremely harmful for not only the town of Amherst, Virginia, where this ordinance is in place, but for the Beating, Bleeding Heart of this Hallowed Institution, the Admiral, His Majesty, the Übermensch, the Honorable, the Benevolent, Emblem of Pioneer Valley, John Phillip Stamos Professor of Geology and Sedimentology John Calvin Coolidge Jr. We, as an editorial board, stand with John and his loving, expressive signage in Amherst, VA.
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