Hearts of the Herd: A Guide to Valentine’s Day

Q: Dear Daisy, this guy I’ve been talking to takes DAYS to respond to my text messages … what do I do?

— Ghosted Goat ’29

A: Hi Ghosted, thank you for this question! It is certainly one that many have wondered before you…

I would first say, the next time you see him (let’s be honest, you’ll probably see him tomorrow in Valentine Dining Hall), try to subtly see if he’s available to talk later on by asking to study together, grab a coffee in town, or take a walk. If he says yes, use this opportunity to ask for clarity on what is going on between you two ... Maybe he’s chronically a bad texter? Is he overwhelmed with work and can’t be bothered to respond to anything on his phone? Or does he just prefer in-person conversations? 

If you all can settle on a better communication strategy, then you might want to express how you’re feeling about him and try to gauge what he’s thinking. Is he looking for something more casual than you’re ready for? Are your intentions with each other misaligned? 

Now I know how hard it is to give someone the benefit of the doubt, so if you already secretly suspect that his texting abilities aren't up to par or that he is looking for something else, then maybe it wasn’t written in the stars. At the end of the day, though cliche and hard to hear, the age-old saying still rings true: if he wanted to, he would. 

Q: Dear Daisy, my partner is abroad this semester, and we’ve been long-distance for almost 2 months now. Any advice on what to do for a long-distance Valentine’s?

— Lonely Lemur ’27

A: Hi Lonely! This is a great question. Being long-distance is hard. I’ve accumulated a list of options for how to stay connected on the special day:

1. FaceTime date — don’t underestimate the power of a good cellular connection. Sharing a meal over the phone (bonus points if you cook the same recipe) can be a great way to spend quality time together from afar. 
2. Send voice note updates at random times during the day. Sometimes the best way to mimic being near each other is by embracing the mundane! Not everything needs to be planned out or special; it can just be your everyday happenings.
3. Order flowers or other deliverable gifts from a local boutique to their home abroad. 
4. E-cards can be a nice way to animate a cute (but otherwise plain) message to each other!
5. Host a Teleparty: schedule movie dates to watch the same thing together and talk.

Q: Dear Daisy, I really like this girl, and it seems like she likes me too. We’ve both been kind of casual with dating — partly because we’re scared of being rejected or alone — but with her, I feel like I could actually settle down. The problem is, I don’t know if I can trust myself to stop being ‘a manwh*re’ — I’ve always dat[ed] casually to protect myself. I want something real with her, but I’m scared my habits or fears will get in the way. Part of me worries my past makes me unworthy of something real, even though I actually want that with someone I care about.

— Reforming Rabbit ’26

A: Hi Reforming! Thank you for trusting me with such a vulnerable admission. First, acknowledging your colorful past is the first step to repainting your future, and I, for one, love to see an effort to change. I’m hopeful that your beloved will feel the same way. I think the key, though, is to be honest and show her that you don’t just want to change, but that you are willing to do the work to actually change. If she’s going to be comfortable starting a relationship with you, she needs to trust that you truly feel differently about her and that you won’t treat her like you have treated other girls from your past.

But … you also need to be honest with yourself. You clearly have a very real fear that you may go back to your impressionable ways, and if that possibility is even close to becoming a reality, then maybe you don’t want to change as much as you think. This could just be what you feel like you have to say to get the girl that you like.

Still, I am a sucker for a Cinderella story, and, to quote Bridgerton, sometimes “reformed rakes make the best husbands.” I believe in you and wish you luck! 

Q: Dear Daisy, how am I supposed to know if someone is gay when everyone on this damn campus looks like a lesbian … even the men!!! Bless me, please, I am confused and tired …

— Yearning Yak ’27

A: Hi Yak! This is such a tricky one, I feel your despair. I think your best course of action here is to befriend the person you're interested in. At some point, romantic preferences will probably come up in conversation, and from there you could decide whether it’s something you should pursue! Still, if that feels like putting way too much on the line (which I totally get) or playing too much of a long game (also understood), you could always strike up a casual conversation with them or one of their friends about their past relationships or crushes. I know it’s hard, but try not to rely on stereotypes or quick assumptions because that could easily backfire both for you … and for them. Best of luck, Yak, I hope you find someone as wonderful as you are.

Q: Dear Daisy, this guy asked me to be his Valentine but I don’t know how to reject him without hurting his feelings. What do I do?

– Sought-After Swan ’28

A: Hey Swan, unrequited love is an age-old dilemma … and, to be honest, it never gets any easier. First, just a reminder that you shouldn’t feel guilty for feeling the way you do — the heart wants what it wants (and doesn’t want what it doesn’t), so staying true to yourself is the best thing you could do. In terms of your admirer, I think we could go one of two ways. If you don’t know each other very well, I think a simple text explaining that you “aren’t looking for anything” or that you are “flattered but not interested” should do the trick! Either way, just make sure you are honest and to the point so you don’t accidentally leave the door open for future invitations. 

Now, if you are good friends with the person, things can start feeling a lot more complicated, but they don’t have to be. I would reach out to them and set up a time to talk face-to-face. Then, you should explain that you don’t necessarily feel the romantic connection, but treasure your friendship and do not want to lose that. Be prepared, it might be hard for them to hear, and they might need some time or space to help seal the wound, but in all likelihood, things will smooth over; rejection is just redirection … You got this! 

Q: Dear Daisy, literally all of my friends have significant others. What can I do as a single friend this weekend?

— Solo Snake ’26

A: Hello Solo! That’s a difficult position to be in, but luckily, you’re far from being alone. If you’re into self-care things, this could be a great opportunity for a cozy journaling or movie night. 

You could also try doing something you’ve been meaning to do, or waiting for someone to do it with you. How about going to Northampton and shopping, or trying a restaurant you’ve been thinking about? Use it as a chance to do what you know will make you happy.

If you want to spend the day with other people, you can take this as an opportunity to find some friends to do a platonic date; find a fun activity, like seeing a movie or going to an art museum, and enjoy your time together. 

You can also take the opportunity to show your friends appreciation! You can have a fun night in with your other single friends and make cards for friends and family you love! After all, Valentine’s Day around the world is considered to be the day of love and friendship. Happy celebrating!