Hearts of the Herd: Relationship Advice Column

Hearts of the Herd is The Student’s official relationship advice column. Not sure how to approach that cutie in your first-year seminar? Questioning if you should keep texting your situationship while studying abroad? Ready to make it official with that guy who caught your eye at Jenkins? (Okay, maybe not him …) You’ve come to the right place! Below you’ll find love advice for Mammoths, by Mammoths, from the Student’s very own Daisy Valentine.

Submissions have been edited for clarity and style.

Dear Daisy, you nailed it with your question — there is in fact a cutie in my seminar. They’re in my dorm and I talk to them every so often when I run into them, but how do I actually approach them? — Seminar Scout ’28

Dear Scout, Sounds like you’re already off to a pretty good start with your seminar sweetheart. The semester’s coming to a close, so now is the time to use your shared class to your advantage. Ask them to peer edit your essay or study for the final together and use it as an opportunity to get their number. Or as you’re walking out of class, casually suggest a Val run for coffee or lunch. Again, the semester’s ending, so nothing to lose in just asking them to grab a meal. And if they say no, there’s always your spring semester rosters. — Daisy V.

Dear Daisy, is it toooo late to try for something senior year? I imagine most people are looking beyond Amherst already, and if we haven’t really crossed paths up until this point, chat am I cooked? — Last Chance at Love? ’25

Dear Last Chance, It is absolutely NOT too late. Seniors are sometimes even more likely than other grades to be looking for love. Plotting on your love life is so much better than stressing about the future. Now is the time to go for it and ask out your class crush. If they say no, who cares? You’re graduating soon anyway — don’t leave with romantic regrets.

And if you’re feeling like you’ve gotten to know everyone this place has to offer, all I can say is I promise that’s not the case. Keep your eyes open and ask your friends if they have any ideas. Love will strike when you least expect it. — Daisy V.

Dear Daisy, I’m a person that’s pretty anxious and not quick to fall in love, but I want to start dating. The issue is I don’t know where to go or what to do. How do I even get into the dating scene at Amherst? Do I just pull up my britches and approach random guys or are there some kinds of dating events? Would you suggest dating apps? Like, people suggest just hanging out in public spaces, but everyone (including me) keeps to themselves. So, understandably, nothing happens. How do I get over this issue? — Apprehensive Apricot ’28

Dear Apricot, The good news is that pretty much everyone feels this way. Instead of telling you to start approaching random guys for their number, I would encourage you to open yourself up to connections with people more generally. Start small! Put yourself out there by smiling at someone when you hold the door for them or asking to borrow a pen in your class. You could be really crazy and ask to sit at someone’s table when Val is “super crowded.” The best way to meet people romantically is to meet more people in general. Worst case scenario, you’ll make a ton of friends. And on the romantic front, just keep your eyes open — it all starts with a couple campus crushes.  — Daisy V.

Dear Daisy, my girlfriend and I have been dating for a year and a half, and I feel like we’re in a date slump. Most of the time we just hang out in each other’s rooms. What should we do to mix things up? — Stuck in a Rut ’26

Dear Stuck, it’s completely normal to fall into the same routines in long-term relationships. You and your girlfriend should start a Notes app list of activities and restaurants you can refer back to the next time you’re planning a date. Off the top of my head, Amherst Cinema is free for students after 7 p.m. Thursday-Sunday. You could also start surprising each other ­— maybe one of you picks dinner and one picks dessert. If you both put in the tiniest bit of effort, things will feel more exciting in no time. ­— Daisy V.

Dear Daisy, I think I have feelings for one of my best friends. We’ve known each other for three and a half years, and I think our chemistry is great. We’ve cooked together, seen concerts, talked about a million things. Lots of common interests and hobbies. This person sometimes gives me borderline second-hand embarrassment, but it seems superficial because I otherwise really like being around them. But . . . I’ve never had a serious relationship before and I’ve never been interested in it until now. How do I test the waters without making things weird? How do I know that this is what I want? I’m worried that I’m not relationship material, that I’m too airheaded or too messy or just not enough, but I’m also afraid that I’ll never say anything about it. — Falling For a Friend ’27

Dear Falling, Sounds like you have a lot on your mind, and I get it — having non-platonic feelings for a friend is always intense. First things first, let’s figure out how you feel. Because this is a long-term friendship, I don’t want you to rush into a decision. They’re not going anywhere, so in the meantime, talk to someone who knows you well but isn’t directly involved in this situation. Take your time and parse it through. Do these feelings for your friend preclude you from having crushes on other people? How do you feel when you imagine them in a romantic scenario? Weirded out? Exhilarated?

OK, if you go through all that and the feelings are still there, it’s time to think about talking to your friend. You can only analyze so much of this on your own and at some point you’ll feel like things need to be out in the open. Be thoughtful, honest and kind, and understand that no matter the ultimate outcome, these feelings will likely change your relationship.

Be kind to yourself, too! Re: your “relationship material” concerns: Being perfect is not a requirement for being in a serious relationship. It’s true that you probably have things to work on (we all do!), but cross that bridge when you get to it and don’t let your insecurities get in the way of telling someone how you feel. You could even be honest with your friend about your self-doubt during your conversation. Chances are they have similar fears about themselves. Good luck — we’re rooting for you! — Daisy V.

For more sage relationship advice, submit your love predicaments here.