Satire: AAS Candidate Statements

The Association of Amherst Students (AAS) will hold elections for senators in the class of 2027 on Friday, Sept. 29, from 12 p.m. to Saturday, Sept. 30 at 11:59 a.m. An election for transfer student seats will take place between 12 p.m. Tuesday, Oct. 3, and 11:59 a.m. on the following day.

The students below have announced their candidacies for these elections. Students who are interested in hearing from these candidates, or are interested in running but were unable to submit a candidate statement, should attend Speech Night on Wednesday, Sept. 27, at 8 p.m. in Johnson Chapel.

All candidates are listed by position then alphabetically by last name. If the statements end in ellipses, it is because they have been cut off to fit the 100 word limit.

Class of 2027:

Katherine Adams ’27
My name is Katherine Marie Adams, from the Class of 2027, and I grew up right around the corner in Springfield, Massachusetts. I am running to be a senator in AAS, a role that I think is very important. My friends and family would probably describe me as “a little quirky” because of how much I love my dogs and my knitting. In my free time, I am usually watching Gilmore Girls or listening to Taylor Swift or petting Potato the Dog (love you, Potato!). Now that you know a little bit about me, I want to be a senator because [...]

Nathaniel Pratt Valentine Appleton Beneski ’27
My name is Nathaniel, and I am running for AAS. For as long as I can remember, serving others has been my calling. This value was instilled in me from a young age by my nanny. I always thank the help, I always tip at least 10 percent, and I believe that rich people should pay taxes too. This is exactly the spirit of giving that I want to bring to AAS. The internship at the White House that my dad got for me this summer has prepared me for the power that comes with being a senator, and I vow to use that power for the betterment of all Amherst students, such as people of color.

Quentin Carmichael III ’27
My fellow students: I recently unearthed a quotation that deeply resonated with me. I would like to share it with you all here. It was originally uttered by our late President John Fitzgerald Kennedy, and so I have adapted it slightly for this context: “Ask not what your college can do for you. Ask what you can do for your college.” Upon coming across such a novel sentiment, I was struck by inspiration to run for AAS. As senator, I will faithfully serve the interests of all Amherst students — not just those who voted for me. After all, there is more that unites us as Amherst students than divides us. In closing, yes we can.

Harrison Holmes ’27
Throughout my Amherst experience this past quarter of a semester, I have gained lots of leadership experience and wisdom that I would like to bring to AAS. I went to the intro meetings for The Amherst Student, Mock Trial, Debate Club, and Outing Club. I also am on the mailing lists for Philosophy Club and Bioethics Club. All of these valuable experiences have given me a lot of ideas for how I want to change Amherst. For instance, I propose moving the Science Center Cafe to Keefe. Also, I would like to found an unproblematic publication that gives people a chance to voice their opinions anonymously. Finally, a free, school-wide database of foot pictures [...]

Judy Smith ’27
I am running for AAS because I believe that Amherst’s campus has too many hills. As your senator, I will get rid of them. In addition, I find myself tiring of the daily grind of classes. As your senator, I will get rid of them. Ever feel like professors just don’t have your best interests at heart? As your senator, I will — you guessed it — get rid of them. Finally, Antonio’s is a little too far from the First-Year Quad for my taste. As your senator, I will move it into Frost. Vote for me, the senator of the people.

In all seriousness, the Class of 2027 election was the most competitive AAS election that I have seen in my time at Amherst, and I hope that this class’ enthusiasm can be the catalyst for a more functional, transparent, and accessible AAS. Congratulations to all who were elected, and thank you to everyone who ran.