Toddler Admitted to the Class of 2029
The class of 2029 makes history as toddler Tyler Young ’29 is set to enroll in the college as a geology major with a concentration in shoveling wood chips and making mud pies.
At 6:21 p.m. on March 21, the college admitted two-year-old Tyler Young, who will matriculate to the class of 2029.
News of his admission comes amidst the recent attacks on diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI) programs by the presidential administration.
In a striking rebuttal to this crackdown, Mr. White, Director of DEI, reported, “We’d like to reinforce our commitment to diversity in all of its forms, through the acceptance of our youngest student ever, Tyler Young, who will arrive this upcoming fall.”
Young babbles to us that he is excited to “join the Herd” and plans to study geology, as he hopes it will allow him to play with dirt and rocks all day.
Young’s mother, Louise Keefe Appleton-Hitchcock, shared her pride for her son’s achievement: “Of course, I am incredibly proud of him. The only thing I’m worried about is whether or not the class schedule will conflict with his regular nap times.”
His high school classmate, Matt Andersen, commented, “I don't know what he said half the time … and his hands never could reach the keyboard, so I have no idea how he typed essays or even applied, but good for him.”
A high chair will be installed in Val this summer ahead of Young’s arrival.
Editor’s Note: This is a satirical article written for April Fool’s.
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