True Love or True Disappointment? Students Reflect on the 2024 Marriage Pact

With Valentine’s Day just around the corner, love is on the brain for many Amherst students. But Cupid isn’t just around on Feb. 14 — back in September, over 1,200 Mammoths sought romance through the Marriage Pact, an online questionnaire that matches students with their most statistically compatible partner on campus.

At Amherst, the Association of Amherst Students (AAS) contracts with the Marriage Pact company, a sizable operation available at 100 schools across the country. Marriage Pact has served over 570,000 participants and made over 285,000 matches since its founding. It uses its own algorithm that takes psychology, “market design,” and linear algebra into account in order to find students their ideal match: a perfectly compatible other half whom they can one day marry (if they don’t find someone else).

Marriage Pact also claims to address the nuances of romance by recognizing when similar values are necessary for a good match and when they aren’t. According to their website, 3-4% of Marriage Pact matches date for a year or longer. But how well has the Marriage Pact worked for Amherst students?

To answer this question, we interviewed several Mammoths and collected responses from 54 respondents through an anonymous Google Form survey.

To Reach Out or Not to Reach Out?

The 1,200 lucky students who received matches on Sept. 24 faced a common dilemma: to reach out or not to reach out?

Some were skeptical about making the first move. “I felt like it would be kind of demoralizing if I reached out and they didn’t respond,” shared one student.

A few chose to limit their interactions with their matches to uncomfortable eye contact, with one student saying, “I keep running into my Marriage Pact at Val, and we share awkward glances every time.”

Others took the lead. Based on the survey, around 25% of Amherst students reached out to their matches first. One student shared: “I DM’ed my match on Instagram, and I said we matched through the Marriage Pact. He responded, and we talked for a little while!” Another fearless Mammoth added, with a wink, “I did reach out to him, even though it felt awkward at first.”

Some flirtatious Instagram DMs led to romantic in-person encounters, with around 15% of students making plans with their matches. One student shared the story of their Marriage Pact meet-up, saying, “We went out for food, and it was a pretty standard date. We just didn’t really hit it off with our conversations. But at least I got a free meal out of it!”

However, not all match dates were so “standard.” Another student recounted, “The person [I matched with] reached out to me and was super sociable online, but in person, [they] barely said a word. I had to ask over 20 questions just to get two-word responses.”

One unsuccessful date still led to a budding romance, but not in the way you’d expect: “One of my friends saw a picture [of my match] and asked me if she could go for them because my dinner with them didn’t go as well. I said yes.”

The pressure to reach out was nonexistent for participants who were paired with people they already knew well. “I actually did not open my Marriage Pact. I was in Val, and the person I matched with happened to be sitting next to me since we are good friends. She opened it and screamed, and I thought something was wrong,” said one student.

Four other students excitedly shared that their Marriage Pact this year was actually their best friend. One survey respondent even matched with their current roommate.

However, others were disenchanted by the process after matching with people they already knew. One shared: “I got matched with a girl I knew who was making moves on my ex [knowing that] we were still dating at the time.” Another remarked, “[My match] was my friend’s ex — very awkward.” With a population of just 1,907, it is inevitable that some students at Amherst will continue to match with people they already know, no matter how uncomfortable it may be.

Don’t Let Your Girlfriend Stop You From Finding Your Wife

One major source of tension amongst participants was the question of whether it was ethical for those in relationships to fill out the Marriage Pact.

Opinions are divided. Approximately 47% of survey respondents believe it is unethical to participate in the Marriage Pact while in a relationship, while around 32% think it’s fine. The remainder of respondents have mixed opinions, many stating it is only acceptable if the participant’s partner agrees to it.

The controversy surrounding this issue didn’t stop Mammoths in relationships from participating in this year’s match process. One such participant said: “I asked my girlfriend if I could do [the Marriage Pact] because I thought it would be fun to meet someone new. And she was like, yeah, so I did it. But then I felt bad after I got matched with someone because I feel like I screwed up his match. I don’t think I’ll do it again because I think it’s unethical for me to do it.”

For those who matched with people in relationships, there was an element of awkwardness. One student shared: “I looked [my match] up on Instagram, but he had a girlfriend.” Another noted, “I think it’s crazy to fill out the Marriage Pact while in a relationship. I think that’s wild. If I was their partner and I found out, I’d be pissed.”

Some students also did not fill out the marriage Pact in order to keep romantic prospects. “I was in the midst of trying to woo someone, as one does. So [I thought] if I whipped out a Marriage Pact match, that would probably deter them. So I did not complete the Marriage Pact, but [the person I was trying to woo] did, and I threw a fit. It all worked out in the end though!”

It’s (Not) Raining Men

This year, the Marriage Pact process didn’t quite go as planned. The day before the match release, the Marriage Pact sent out an email saying that they had 92 more women than men in the heterosexual marriage market. This meant that if no more straight or bisexual men signed up, some straight women would go without a match.

While this explains why some women got matched with potential friends, including two of our survey respondents, it doesn’t explain a surprising incident that one Mammoth reported. “I’m a lesbian,” they said, “but I got matched with a man!” While this incident was a surprise, the heterosexual data skew was not. In fact, it is consistent with Marriage Pact experiences from prior years. In 2021, The Student reported that, several days before Marriage Pact matches were released, participants were notified that 149 heterosexual women might end up without matches due to a similar imbalance.

Several current Amherst students were also skeptical about the effectiveness of the compatibility system overall. “I think they were asking about things that didn’t really prove whether you were a good match for someone or not,” said one student.

Others felt that the whole system of a compatibility test was ineffective. “I don’t think you can match [people] based on just their ideology,” one student said in an interview. “I think it’s just about whether you click. There’s just a spark.” Another student felt similarly, saying that although the Marriage Pact might match you with someone similar to you in opinions, it might not account for who you really are. “A survey can’t really reflect what your true personality is,” they said. “It’s just a random set of things you like and dislike.”

A recent poll conducted by The Student reflected similar feelings. Only 13% of survey respondents rated their compatibility with their match above a four out of five, and the average rating was a mere 2.7.

However, not everyone was as critical of the Marriage Pact. One student acknowledged the efficacy of the system, even if they didn’t click with their match. “On paper, it matched us well, like we had things in common,” they said, “but it just didn’t work out … I wouldn’t bash the Marriage Pact for matching me with someone that it didn't work out [with].”

Other students just thought the Marriage Pact was fun. “I really enjoyed the excitement of it,” said one interviewee. “It was kind of like college decisions, but if you knew you were getting into a college.”

True Love at Last

Despite some skepticism, Amherst students don’t seem to have given up on the Marriage Pact. 74% of survey respondents said that they will look for love through the Marriage Pact again, while a further 17% said that they aren’t sure yet. Only 6% said that they won’t try again, including one individual who wrote that they don’t need a second Marriage Pact match because they “already found the one with the first time.”

This was not the only heartwarming success story. One Mammoth said that they are close friends with a couple that met through the Marriage Pact as freshmen and are still together. And another student has even found their soulmate. “I was just looking for something fun,” they wrote, “but once I began dating my Marriage Pact, I realized that we had something special. We would have never met if it weren’t for this website. I owe everything to [the Marriage Pact], and I can’t wait until we get married!”