Satire: AAS to Delay Transition of Power
Staff Writer Shane Dillon ‘26 argues that the rituals of student governance have become a substitute for progress itself, leaving him with no choice but to take matters into his own hands.
2025-2026
Satire: The Vice President Strikes Back
Contributing writer Phuong Doan ’26 defends student governance in the face of Shane Dillon ’26’s administrative overreach, arguing that in moments of institutional crisis, the legitimacy of AAS depends on a commitment to rule-bound order.
Satire: Benson Boone to Headline Spring Concert
It's finally here! CAB has announced this year's Spring Concert, revealing it to be none other than the mystical, magical singer Benson Boone. Managing Arts & Living Editor Jayda Ma ’28 reveals how the college secured such a high-profile musician and how this will impact the student body.
Satire: Coming Back for Seconds: Situationships as Val Meals
An unresponsive lover can make or break your day just like the menu at Val. Contributing Writer Islay Shilland ’29 serves up a light-hearted, relatable breakdown of the different types of situationship you might encounter in digestible terms we're all familiar with.
Satire: Secret Life of Amherst Pets: The Best Forking Pet
In this edition of the Secret Life of Amherst Pets, Assistant Arts & Living Editor Amber Lee ’28 writes about her journey in adopting her new pet on campus, Forky.
Satire: Galloping Toward Greatness: Inside Amherst College’s Most Revered Athletic Dynasty
Managing Opinion Editor Caroline Flinn ’28 gallops into Amherst’s most important athletic team, arguing that the hobbyhorsing team’s obsessive training, ceremonial routines, and metaphysical competitions can turn even a stick into a symbol of institutional pride.
Satire: Amherst Presidents Ranked by Athleticism
Assistant Sports Editor Joey Supik '27 evaluates Amherst's list of Presidents on the most pertinent category: their athleticism.