Satire: Letter to the Editor: A Question For Dean McGayte: Where is my Wife?
Managing Opinion Editor Joey Supik ’27 calls on Dean of Admissions Cupid McGayte to answer directly to him about why he has not met his wife yet here at Amherst.
Opinion
Satire: Welcome to They/Themherst
Managing Opinion Editor Caroline Flinn ’28 dismantles Amherst’s 50-year celebration and proposes that Amherst become a historically nonbinary institution in pursuit of a more logically consistent future.
Satire: Bathroom Bulletin: Top 10 Amherst College Bathrooms You’ve Never Heard of
Editor-in-Chief Edwyn Choi '27 and Columnists Jenny Chan '28 and Hailey Yoon '28 argue that beneath the college’s polished surfaces lies a hidden network of bathrooms where prestige and bodily reality converge.
Satire: Two Waitlisted Legends Discover The Amherst Student
Editor-in-Chief Anna Wang ’28 and Staff Writer Isha Patel ’28 observe two prospective students dissect articles of The Amherst Student. Though waitlisted by Amherst, the two high-schoolers believe they have uncovered the college’s dark secrets.
Satire: AAS to Delay Transition of Power
Staff Writer Shane Dillon ‘26 argues that the rituals of student governance have become a substitute for progress itself, leaving him with no choice but to take matters into his own hands.
Satire: The Vice President Strikes Back
Contributing writer Phuong Doan ’26 defends student governance in the face of Shane Dillon ’26’s administrative overreach, arguing that in moments of institutional crisis, the legitimacy of AAS depends on a commitment to rule-bound order.
Satire: Benson Boone to Headline Spring Concert
It's finally here! CAB has announced this year's Spring Concert, revealing it to be none other than the mystical, magical singer Benson Boone. Managing Arts & Living Editor Jayda Ma ’28 reveals how the college secured such a high-profile musician and how this will impact the student body.