Satire: Anna and Isha’s Declassified Dorm Survival Guide
Assistant News Editor Anna Wang ’28 and Contributing Writer Isha Patel ’28 decide where they should live next year, weighing the pros and cons of each dorm.
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Satire: Faculty Vote to Eliminate Fizz Access
That’s it for Fizz — this week, faculty voted 166-1 to ban the app in defense of President Michael Elliott, who reportedly received one too many hate messages on the site. Starting April 2, students will no longer be able to access their accounts.
Satire: College Unveils New Major “Strategic Illusionism” Beginning Fall 2025
Amherst has introduced its newest major, “Strategic Illusionism,” which starts next semester. The major is intended to better prepare students for the current job market.
Satire: College To Create New Prize Honoring Conservative Journalism
The Student has been awarded Amherst’s newly created honor, the Hadley Arkes Prize, for its representation of conservative voices. Members of the prize’s selection committee emphasized the need for diversified political discourse.
Satire: Campus Police Log: March 26 to April 1
The craziest installment of the Campus Police Log, from March 26 to April 1, can be found here.
Satire: Hearts of the Heard: Sunburnt Situationships
Relationship in limbo post-spring break voyage to Florida? The Student is here with insightful advice to guide you through the trickiest of circumstances.
Satire: Day in the Life of the Amherst Mammoth Mascot
In the first edition of our new column, “Day in the Life of a Mammoth,” The Student spent the day with none other than the Amherst Mammoth Mascot herself.