I’m not going to lie to you-I am a good-looking man. All I have to do is walk into a crowded room and 30 girls start sweating. ‘What could possibly be my problem?’, you ask. Nothing, other than the fact that I have about as much game as a Swarthmore linebacker. The only way I can seal the deal is by shutting my mouth and wagging my pelvis. I mean, you might not be Shaft, but Doc, can you tell me how to dig it?
-Striking out in Stone
Dear Striking out,
I appreciate your honesty in this world of bountiful lies and treason. But as you demonstrate, arrogance is also a bountiful trait. I, of course, was not immune to this syndrome of self-assurance which seems to afflict men of your youthful age; in point of fact, to reveal my honest side, I would often place wagers with fellows to see how many “fawns” I could “slay” in a given month. That, I must say, was young idiocy. My advice: less cocky in your talky.