Satire: A Lesbian’s Perspective on How to Save Democracy

We credit the ancient Athenians with creating the first democracy, the widespread accepted government form of Western civilizations. Democracy, like all possible forms of government, has its innate issues. Ancient philosophers to modern day scholars have all commented on the ways in which democracy falls short and the inevitable problems it faces. To those in the United States, our particular democratic challenge is with the state of American democracy itself. Many debate constantly about what must be done to preserve our democratic norms and practices, but their solutions are entrapped in the political standards of the past, and are in need of true creative brainstorming. After hours of self-reflection, I have found the group that holds the power to make a better, more democratic United States: Lesbians. 

What do lesbians have to do with democracy? Everything. A study from the Trevor Project showed that lesbians lead their peers across sexual orientation in voter registration, and are second to queers in feeling motivated to civically engage. This goes to show that lesbians, generally speaking, have the ambition to engage with our democratic norms and believe in our processes to improve American society. In a time that fears the loss of activism and civic participation, lesbians have shown up and shown out. I am not advocating that lesbians have a superiority in civic engagement, but rather that they lead the pack and likely will continue to in the future. 

Beyond their commitment to civic engagement, lesbians could contribute to a greater good by befriending heterosexual men. While I believe wholeheartedly in our right to choose who we associate with, I also believe that there is a missed opportunity to foster friendships between heterosexual men and lesbians. My belief stems from what many of us see already in the relationships gay men and heterosexual women have. Many women I know on and off campus have great friendships with gay men, forming relationships that last a lifetime, and it makes perfect sense. An NBC News article back in 2013 presented a psychology researcher’s study on the evolutionary science behind gay men and heterosexual women friendships. This study highlighted that heterosexual women trusted gay men more than heterosexual men or women for relationship advice, and vice versa. The exceptionalism between gay men and heterosexual women is further highlighted as the researcher states that this relationship wouldn’t be the same between heterosexual men and lesbians — “a man might be sexually attracted to a lesbian and there could be ulterior motives.” 

There is merit to critiquing the plausibility of widespread heterosexual men-lesbian friendships. Online you may see men fetishizing lesbians or just spreading overt hatred for them. Many of my lesbian friends have shown me the awful messages they’ve received just for being proud of their sexuality, and plenty more messages from men attempting to flirt. In comparison to gay men and heterosexual women, the environment for lesbians to befriend heterosexual men can be incredibly toxic, misogynistic, and downright hateful. The goal is extremely improbable, though not impossible. 

Yet, despite the NBC researcher’s notion and the many issues pertaining to lesbian-heterosexual men relations, I believe that these two groups can foster unique and valuable relationships to the extent of gay men and heterosexual women. It may have to go against certain expectations of human nature, according to the researcher, but the idea that these friendships form under much more unnatural circumstances compared to gay men and heterosexual women makes them more valuable. But what does befriending lesbians or heterosexual men have to do with democracy?

Some heterosexual men now fall under a certain label — incel — those who are involuntary celibate and blame women and modern feminist movements for their lack of romantic connection. These people believe in self-victimization, violence as a rational means to others, and the silencing of women. While such extreme cases are not the norm, there is more engagement with influencers with ideologies associated with the “incel pipeline”: Nick Fuentes, Clavicular, Andrew Tate, the Paul brothers, and even more gateway individuals into the online incel community like Joe Rogan and Jordan Peterson. To varying degrees, heterosexual men are starting to abandon democratic principles — such as civility and freedom of speech — in favor of power as a manner of dictating what is right. Intellectually diverse conversations between the American people are dying and people straying away from those fundamental ideals are absolutely part of it. We must find a way to convince incels and those falling into the pipeline to trust in democracy once more, and perhaps lesbians are part of the solution.

It would be rude on all accounts to wish that lesbians befriend some heterosexual men to prevent them from falling into the incel pipeline, but frankly the outcome would be a huge benefit to society. These friendships could hopefully change any negative perceptions of women, and push onto heterosexual men that you can and should be friends with women. Instead of imagining all relationships with women as purely romantic or sexual, heterosexual men can just be friends and, crazy thought, see women as people. 

I will clarify, though, that I am not advocating for directly befriending incels; it is impossible to have a friendship, not necessarily friendly relations, with someone who does not treat you as an equal or respect you. I wouldn’t want to either — we should all still have our choice of association. I am advocating for, however, befriending heterosexual men that may relate to you in some capacity, some shared interest. Breaking down the gender walls through lesbian-heterosexual man friendship can give them a real understanding of how easy it should be to make friends with women. These men, hopefully noticing ways, big or small, that they’ve embraced misogynistic ideology, can self-correct. The eventual hope, then, is that they would begin to call out other men, especially those who are incels, reaching the ultimate targets and repairing democratic norms. Finding those initial friendships, though, remain at the heart of the issue. 

It’s also important to note another challenge: Lesbians and heterosexual men kind of dislike one another. It’s part reality, part self-fulfilling prophecy, as they hate each other, reinforce those beliefs through specific examples that are then generalized, and repeat finding ways to hate and reinforce. The hate that’s spread is absolutely real and cannot be ignored, which is why it needs to be tackled head on by both sides broadly. This article, though, doesn’t call heterosexual men to action because, quite frankly, I have less hope that they can be the ones to break the barrier compared to lesbians. 

I am, unfortunately, hoping that lesbians can be the bigger people to create better relations between us all. It is incredibly unfair to ask lesbians to capitulate and be the ones to reach out, especially considering that it’s a pseudo patriarchal ask. But I stand strong in my notion that, had this letter been an ask to heterosexual men instead, nothing would be accomplished. My argument hinges on the resolve of lesbians to do well in this world, and my belief that they could accomplish this by breaking down the walls and attempting to stop cyclical hatred between heterosexual men and themselves, regardless of who inflicts it.

Lesbians are an incredibly civically active part of United States society. While it is obviously not their responsibility to befriend anyone, lesbians would be doing a great service to fight against the increasingly growing incel community and simply helping people be more cordial with each other. We can all learn so much from each other, and breaking down these barriers to conversation have to start on one end. I do not subscribe to such a doubtful view of relations between lesbians and heterosexual men, but we nevertheless must do the work to create such friendships. It will not be a perfect process — many will not be on board with such an idea — but it may help form a way to create a more democratic, sociable United States. Whether or not this actually saves democracy, I think it would be nice to have these sorts of friendships be commonplace.