The Vice President Strikes Back

To my fellow Amherst students:

I was able to sneak this letter out from my place of captivity, between the empty walls of Hastings, which this so-called chancellor of the Amherst-First Galactic Empire has put me in. I write briefly to let my wonderful constituents know that I am safe, but unsure if I will ever make it to another late night. Let me assure you: I am in good spirits, well-fed, and still in possession of my wonderful gavel.

I apologize profusely. I was unable to stop him. I tried my best, but it was too late when I learned his right-hand woman, Ayres Warren ’26, was part of this scheme to remove me. I attempted to rally the most loyal senators to stop this treason and this blatant attack against our great Republic, but I was no match for his conniving plans and swift apprehension. He betrayed me. He was Cain ’20 (A.D.), and I was Abel ’20 (A.D.): I thought we were bonded by our shared love of Robert’s Rules. I was wrong, betrayed by those whom I thought I could trust.

The Republic was never perfect. We may have debated over $12 wigs and whether the pumpkins were “religious” in some way. But the senate remained strong and ready to take on the fight for to-go boxes, the fight to find the most performative man among us, and the fight to encourage future gambling by supporting casino nights.

But is it wrong to believe in order? To believe in procedure? To believe that the Senate was not shackled by the rules that governed us? This so-called chancellor calls it an inefficiency, but I call it the safeguard against rash decisions. I call it the true peak of civilization. I call it the quiet majesty of a properly seconded motion. Yes, it may take time. Yes, it may require forms. Yes, it requires us to send out all those emails about every little thing. But prosperity built without process is merely impulse with a budget.

Sadly, some Senators are stuck within the walls of the Hastings with me. But I will let you know that some Senators have escaped imprisonment. I hear Rizwan Ayub ’27 is still safe. We are now a government in exile. We are prepared to continue our great 8:30 p.m. Monday meetings, which you all love to attend, at a secret location in the Outer Rim, though I am unsure if we will have a quorum with so many of us trapped here. Please, for the love of Mammoths, seek them out and join in the rebellion to bring order to our once great college. We cannot let the Association’s impeccable, pristine work go to waste, nor can we let this so-called chancellor take over — I hear he plans to abolish miso salmon to cut costs.

This new “empire” cannot confine my devotion. I did not serve for titles, nor for gavels, nor for the fleeting glory of agenda-setting power. I served for you, the wonderful students of Amherst College. For every student who has ever waited patiently through the second hour of a meeting because they believed their voice mattered. For every student who is dedicated to the rule of law. For everyone who cared enough about the fridges. I have always believed in the necessity of deliberation and careful thinking: something the so-called chancellor believes is wrong. If exile is the price of that belief, I pay it willingly. If silence is demanded, I answer with resolve. Know this: Even in captivity, I remain yours — steadfast, unbowed, and eternally committed to the improbable, inconvenient, beautiful experiment that is our shared governance.

We have entered a dark period of Amherst College history. A sham judge will sentence me for standing up against the Galactic Empire, but history is the only true judge that we will all answer to. No matter what, we will rise again. The people will rise. You will rise. And, in the bleakest of times, we must keep our faith in the democratic project and believe the will of the people is the law of the land. Authoritarians will always seek power and prestige, but we cannot let them snuff out our hope for a better future. The moral law of the universe will always prevail. Light will always banish the darkness. The people will always triumph over dictatorship. And the AAS will rise again.

Long live the Association. Love live the AAS. Long live the people.

Phuong Doan ’26

Vice President of the Association of Amherst Students, a government in exile